Kong (Yes, That One) Has a Few Things to Get Off His Huge, Hairy Chest

Kong (Yes, That One) Has a Few Things to Get Off His Huge, Hairy Chest

The whole “King” thing has never been my idea. Really, it’s kind of odd that Americans like to label their pop-culture heroes as “King This” and “Queen That” considering the country had a whole revolution to reject royal rule. It’s not like my word is law or anything. But hey, if the size 900 crown fits…



It was a simpler time. You spotted a blonde offered to you in sacrifice, scooped her up, and found a romantic waterfall where you could get to know each other. Understand, I’m not saying it was better then. Times change, even on Skull Island.

The ’80s were great. Big paydays, hanging out with Sly and Arnie, mountains of blow. Literal mountains.

Cranking out a major Kong film every year would hurt my brand. So sometimes I do pick up some character work. If you look closely at Lord of the Rings, you might notice the Balrog fire monster moves with a certain simian grace.

Zilla got the bigger trailer. He was all, “My tail needs more room.” Yeah, well, not as much room as his freaking ego. No, I kid, he’s a total pro. I say “he,” but I understand there’s some confusion on that point. I mean, how do you really tell with a lizard, am I right? And if Zilla is a gal, heck yes, give the lady the bigger trailer.

The catering budget alone on this thing was bigger than Infinity War. Normally I’m a bushmeat and potatoes kind of gorilla, but I’ll say one thing: Zilla flew a chef in from Japan to do omakase, and it really opened my eyes to what sushi can be.

Yeah, I held out for a while. I just thought the script needed a little work. It would just say “Big Fight Scene,” and I’m like “OK, but why am I fighting? Am I threatened, or pissed off, or what? Then came the buzz that the studio was talking to Momoa, so I closed the deal. I’m Kong. Period.

Where do I poop, you ask? What a bizarre question. Would you ask DeNiro that? Let’s just say there are certain parts of New Jersey you should avoid more than others. Let’s move on, shall we?

I typically do all my own stunts. But climb a @#&%’n skyscraper? No, no, my friends, that’s what CGI is for.

Monster-mash blockbuster Godzilla Vs. Kong hits theaters and HBO Max March 31

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